Mouth Cuddles

"I need cuddles. On my cock. With your mouth."

posted : Friday, December 11th, 2009

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Definition of Masculinity

"Well, I’m done pleasin’ my woman. Gonna go play some Modern Warfare and kill some men. Then I’m gonna go find a cow and punch it in the face ‘till I have delicious steaks. Then I’m gonna smoke a cigar."

posted : Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

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Oxford English Dictionary (Online)

Me: “So, will you get me a subscription for Christmas?”

Him: “Oh, I’ll get you a subscription, all right. A subscription to my cock!”

posted : Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

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Double Standard

Him: “You smell like penis and oranges.”

Me: “I’m glad that you’re kissing me anyway.”

Him: “As long as it’s my penis. It can be any orange, however.”

posted : Monday, August 10th, 2009

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I accidentally a Baptism.

Him: “Some things you shouldn’t joke about. Accidentally catching Baptist is one of them.”

posted : Thursday, June 25th, 2009

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Doggie Style

Me: “Look! We’ve invented the perfect Cylon detector!”

posted : Sunday, June 21st, 2009

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Tiny Oven

Him: “You’re like a tiny little oven.”

Me: “Oh — you mean I was really warm?”

Him: “Yes. … Also, I have some meat I need to cook.”

posted : Saturday, June 6th, 2009

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Inventing Pornography

Him: “They should have a TV show about lecherous faculty at a college that encourages that sort of thing. With a lot of full frontal nudity.”

Me: “I think you’re thinking of pornography, darling.”

Him: “Oh. Right.”

posted : Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

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Sex by Chocolate

Me: “And now, we’ve officially had our first threesome. With a Cadbury egg. Of course, the Cadbury egg didn’t survive.”

posted : Saturday, April 11th, 2009

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Getting Head In The World

Me: “Dealing with pretense Helps You Get Ahead In The World.”
Him: “So far, disdain of pretense has helped me get head in the world”

posted : Friday, March 6th, 2009

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